Sunday, March 21, 2010


Ok so I do not completely sabotage my chances of being in a relationship, so for those who feel I am, Not so sorry to break it to you 'know it alls', YOU ARE WRONG!
Its just that because of the changes made, and my current state of mind, I have developed a habit of thinking about reasons why I cant be with someone. Why do I find this useful? So I wont waste my time and emotions on a man. I just want everyone to know that because I refuse to be with you, you and you doesn't mean I am on my high horse. I am by no means insinuating such a thing.
Life has taught me...
Soooo much about guys, I feel like I could write a book. I have been used up, cheated on, taken for granted, etc. how could this happen to someone like me, with sooo much pride and soooo much to offer. I was naive, I wanted to make everyone happy, I mismanaged my principles of a good wife. The problem here is me trying to be the wife God wanted me to be, to men that weren't my husband, nowhere near being such. I felt that if I'd practiced it now, I would have perfected it by the time I was ready to get married.
I would give and give and give, never really asking for anything in return because I grew up being dependent on my father, so he was the first person I would run to and for sure I would get. Not only that, i would give myself, my heart, my time and my all, what did I get in return, unappreciation and ungratefulness.
Boy was I burnt when I thought of all the crap I allowed myself to get into, my only consolation was the lesson learnt.
So now what do I do, no matter how loving and caring and sweet a man might be to me, no matter how perfect that image and rep might be, I dig! I dig and search for reasons why we are not compatible, why he is not ideal and why I cant be with him.
My excuses...
I love and crave attention and he cant give me, either because he is incapable or he doesn't have time.
There is no connection, he will be a waste of time
I can't rely on him to be there for me whenever I need him to be there
He hurt me before, I surely wont allow him to hurt me again
He is always on the go and I cant up and go with him, so forget it
He is soooooooooo not my type
He is such a lyricist, ugh he makes me sick
He is such an attention whore, I cant keep up
He makes me feel things I don't want to feel
The emotions I have for him scare me, I wont dare expose myself
*I can go on for days man...
I have enough randoms going through my mind the moment I sense a guy making his intentions (of being with me) known to me.


..Moyo said...

Some people would see this as picky but you know what you want.
But then again... err those reasons are a bit too "hard" to base you lack of compatibility with him on.
Then again. it's you and you know what you want :)

Butterflies and Diamonds said...

Just to shed some light on this post, all the reasons listed here are not directly referring to one person, there are a few people referred to in this post silently. I use "HE" because at the end of the day it is one situation comprising of several men that are or were in my life.

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