Sabotage!

Ok so I do not completely sabotage my chances of being in a relationship, so for those who feel I am, Not so sorry to break it to you 'know it alls', YOU ARE WRONG!

Anyway...

Its just that because of the changes made, and my current state of mind, I have developed a habit of thinking about reasons why I cant be with someone. Why do I find this useful? So I wont waste my time and emotions on a man. I just want everyone to know that because I refuse to be with you, you and you doesn't mean I am on my high horse. I am by no means insinuating such a thing.

Life has taught me...

Soooo much about guys, I feel like I could write a book. I have been used up, cheated on, taken for granted, etc. how could this happen to someone like me, with sooo much pride and soooo much to offer. I was naive, I wanted to make everyone happy, I mismanaged my principles of a good wife. The problem here is me trying to be the wife God wanted me to be, to men that weren't my husband, nowhere near being such. I felt that if I'd practiced it now, I would have perfected it by the time I was ready to get married.

I would give and give and give, never really asking for anything in return because I grew up being dependent on my father, so he was the first person I would run to and for sure I would get. Not only that, i would give myself, my heart, my time and my all, what did I get in return, unappreciation and ungratefulness.

Boy was I burnt when I thought of all the crap I allowed myself to get into, my only consolation was the lesson learnt.

So now what do I do, no matter how loving and caring and sweet a man might be to me, no matter how perfect that image and rep might be, I dig! I dig and search for reasons why we are not compatible, why he is not ideal and why I cant be with him.

My excuses...

I love and crave attention and he cant give me, either because he is incapable or he doesn't have time.

There is no connection, he will be a waste of time

I can't rely on him to be there for me whenever I need him to be there

He hurt me before, I surely wont allow him to hurt me again

He is always on the go and I cant up and go with him, so forget it

He is soooooooooo not my type

He is such a lyricist, ugh he makes me sick

He is such an attention whore, I cant keep up

He makes me feel things I don't want to feel

The emotions I have for him scare me, I wont dare expose myself

*I can go on for days man...

YOU SEE GUYS...

I have enough randoms going through my mind the moment I sense a guy making his intentions (of being with me) known to me.

Under Construction...

"Never a right time to say goodbye"... As these lines go over my head (inspired by my last post), I realize how time can change so much in a situation. I can't say for sure that i am trying to rid myself of anything or anyone Per Se. I have been looking inward for a change and I know as this process continues, I will be saying goodbye alot. As far as people are concerned, I have already started saying goodbye, a lot of my relationships were unhealthy. Life teaches you a lot, and you have to decide what matters to you. I absolutely love myself and I am determined to be happy and healthy no matter what. I always wanna be positive, in order to achieve this I have to surround myself with positive people, which I have been doing. I know I am making progress because after having a conversation with one of my girls tonight she said, you know you look happier and more at peace now, I agree. At work my manager told me to continue doing whatever was making me so happy and shiny, I agree. As far as habits, routines and life experiences, I have said goodbye alot and will continue to say goodbye to the negative, not so positives I encounter, thats right folks. I am high on life, living it, loving it, laughing it up, staying positive like I should. I am definately under construction and well on my way to my ideal place!

Heart Beat

When I saw you today, at the very moment you walked in my heart skipped a beat and it wasn't because of fear or excitement, I can't explain but I guess I was surprised to see you. If the time and venue was different, my reaction would have been different for sure. But the place and time were too unlikely and shocking, I just wasn't prepared for it. And then the rest of my day was a blurr, who would have known you would have that effect on me. It is the weirdest thing, I must say!

Attraction

My bus crush, really weird but this (way) older than me, not disgustingly old guy.
What's the attraction?
His composure, attitude (seriousness), and overall look
I wouldn't do anything about this or even acknowledge him if he approached me LOL!

i'm back!

Sry everyone for the delay in updates, its been really hectic for me with work and school, but I'm getting a hang of it daily!

OMG I realized the other day that I have little or no respect and regards for people sometimes. As I was about to get on the bus, the lady in front of me slowed down. I was thinking"ugh are you gonna get on or what?" And proceeded to get on the bus ahead of her, but I stopped abruptly when I realized this older lady trying to get off the bus. Suddenly it made sense and I felt stupid, silly and impatient and no I'm not being too hard on myself!

Exams and stuff...

I have so much school work to do its taking the best of me, please bear with me, I will be back shortly Xx

March 4, 2010

While I was on the bus, I witnessed an act of kindness towards a senior citizen and it reminded me of a conversation I had with my father (Daddy). He was talking about respect for elders and how Nigeria and Africa in general address the need to respect elders and have all these rules about respect. Yet they don't provide for them when they need it the most. They are so quick to condemn the western world and conclude that they lack respect and decorum. It is these same people that we see taking care of their senior citizens, providing for them, getting up on the bus for them to sit down, running errands for them, etc. If thats not respect I don't know what is!

From the Heart...

I wrote a poem about my best guy bud in 2008,

Its funny how time flies...

Today, I thought of you and how we couldn't be

Today, I thought of the time we could't share

Today, I thought of your warm embrace and how I miss it

Today, I thought of the fear within me, that we may never be as we were or better

Today, I thought of how you used to call me sweet names

Today, I thought of the boundaries we crossed, the rules broken

Today, I see you in my memory

Today, my teardrop shows a reflection of you

Today, I want to be strong and let go

Today, I hope you'll come back to me sometime soon

Coraline

Ok... so when I started the movie it was really slow

I got bored really fast

I would have given up on it, but I wanted to do a review

WHY? When it came out, I kept singing Coraline, Coraline,

So it was only fair for me to give it a chance

And write a goood review on it

I fell asleep, then woke up and finished it

The second half of the movie was much better

It picked up well and I enjoyed it

If you have the patience, watch it,

It has a nice message about appreciating family!

Mamma Mia

I just watched Mamma Mia!!!

And I loooooooove it, love it , love it, even remembered all the songs yaaaaaay!

Ok so when people think of Mamma Mia, they think Abba,

When I think of Mamma Mia, I think London '97

That was the first time I had a clue of Mamma Mia,

I remember singing the song "Mamma Mia", I love that song

Ok so while watching the movie I also fell in love with "The winner takes it all"

AAAGGGGGGGHHHHHH, I love the movie,

Songs? Awesome, Rocked, I was singing along the entire time

I almost forgot Dancing Queen was a Mamma Mia product

Phew!

The rush and now I'm off to start my day

In the name of fashion...

"You dare to be bold?"

I am all for expressing yourself and individuality in fashion. I live, breath, love, eat, drink it. As a matter of fact I encourage people to take risks...

BUT

Sometimes you see somethings and you know right off the back that its a disaster, mistake, unexplainable Faux Pas.Well, I was a witness to this today and all I can say is Girl you are brave... Why?

Because when I rocked a similar outfit, I knew I was being brave, I knew it was a mistake, but I was being lazy so I did it anyway.

Not to Scare you...

... Or get you paranoid

Ipod is a beautiful aspect of technology that i have been fortunate enough to partake in (Thanks Apple). But it makes me nervous sometimes. Although, i know I should turn the volume down so I can hear things other than my music (In case of an emergency), I turn it up to block sounds out so I can enjoy my world.

MY WORLD

I love wandering off in my thoughts. I love my little world. I have created this relaxed, beautiful place in my memory where I retreat to when I need to relax. Lately, I haven't visited that place and I need to.

NOW BACK TO THE IPOD

• I heard of a guy who got hit by a plane that crashed, he might have survived if his music wasn't so loud (he couldn't hear the warnings of the people who were yelling and screaming to get his attention so he can move from harms way).
• I almost hit a girl while driving, she didn't see me or hear the car approach, the scarier thing is she still has no clue that she escaped death. She is completely oblivious of what happened that night.
• I missed my train because I didn't hear the operator announce that I should board the train adjacent to the one I was in

So I wonder, are these just unfortunate, fate, or could they (and many more incidents) have been avoided.

Discoveries...

Thanx to Jonesy (The bliss list)

OMG I just found out about the broadway show Fela (I'm proud to be Nigerian)

*For more info visit http://www.felaonbroadway.com/about.php

The synopsis and reviews are HOT, I wanna go see it =)

(credit)

I also just discovered deep fried cupcakes

Yes Yes I am super EXCITED to make it Yaaaaaaaay!

Learn how to make it here

One of those days...

Today has been one lazy, crappy day but yet I am happy. I revealed something about myself today and it set me free Yaaay! Also after reading several blogs, some of which I now follow, I am inspired. I just wish I could be more organized, like I used to be. Well I can, SO...

Dear Bloggers,

Today I make a commitment to myself (with YOU as my witnesses) to use my planner faithfully, organize my life and stop taking things for granted...

Yours Sincerely,

Moi!

Its Over!

She said it was over and you were the worst thing that ever happened to her

What she meant was she resented the fact that you wouldn't be in her life anymore

She said she hated you and never wants to see you again

What she meant was she loved you and wished she could wake up beside you every morning

She said a lot of things but she didn't really mean them

And she can' t take it back so she's living with it!