Ok so I do not completely sabotage my chances of being in a relationship, so for those who feel I am, Not so sorry to break it to you 'know it alls', YOU ARE WRONG!
Its just that because of the changes made, and my current state of mind, I have developed a habit of thinking about reasons why I cant be with someone. Why do I find this useful? So I wont waste my time and emotions on a man. I just want everyone to know that because I refuse to be with you, you and you doesn't mean I am on my high horse. I am by no means insinuating such a thing.
Life has taught me...
Soooo much about guys, I feel like I could write a book. I have been used up, cheated on, taken for granted, etc. how could this happen to someone like me, with sooo much pride and soooo much to offer. I was naive, I wanted to make everyone happy, I mismanaged my principles of a good wife. The problem here is me trying to be the wife God wanted me to be, to men that weren't my husband, nowhere near being such. I felt that if I'd practiced it now, I would have perfected it by the time I was ready to get married.
I would give and give and give, never really asking for anything in return because I grew up being dependent on my father, so he was the first person I would run to and for sure I would get. Not only that, i would give myself, my heart, my time and my all, what did I get in return, unappreciation and ungratefulness.
Boy was I burnt when I thought of all the crap I allowed myself to get into, my only consolation was the lesson learnt.
So now what do I do, no matter how loving and caring and sweet a man might be to me, no matter how perfect that image and rep might be, I dig! I dig and search for reasons why we are not compatible, why he is not ideal and why I cant be with him.
I love and crave attention and he cant give me, either because he is incapable or he doesn't have time.
There is no connection, he will be a waste of time
I can't rely on him to be there for me whenever I need him to be there
He hurt me before, I surely wont allow him to hurt me again
He is always on the go and I cant up and go with him, so forget it
He is soooooooooo not my type
He is such a lyricist, ugh he makes me sick
He is such an attention whore, I cant keep up
He makes me feel things I don't want to feel
The emotions I have for him scare me, I wont dare expose myself
*I can go on for days man...
YOU SEE GUYS...
I have enough randoms going through my mind the moment I sense a guy making his intentions (of being with me) known to me.